An analysis of parody, satire and intentions; A tale of Lasers, Lords and -isms part 0: Prologues, introductions and the apathy of Eunuchus; or making Corelis go insane

The time has come. The time you have all been waiting for!

Praise Zendo!

Yes my good friends. It is finally time for that Laser Lords blog you've all been waiting for!

Eunuchus must not be familiar with Laser Lords.

In case you were unlucky enough not to endure, err, listen to me ramble on about this game, Laser Lords is an adventure game released in 1994 for the CD-i gaming platform, a rather obscure gaming platform whose biggest redeeming quality seems to be that it houses some Nintendo-licensed Mario and Zelda games that have gone on to become memes and acquire much ridicule.

Eunuchus, please, throw me a bone here.

Although the system it is on is unfortunate, the game itself is a surprisingly deep, complex, compelling, dark and downright absurd adventure game that doesn't take itself seriously at all yet manages to be completely internally consistent, creating seven worlds which are filled with a huge variety of people who you're never quite sure of whether they're on your side or not. It rewards the player for thinking creatively, questioning the people inside of it and coming up with alternate solutions. It also punishes the player for thinking creatively, questioning the people inside of it and coming up with alternate solutions. It's much more massive than a goofy game from the 90s has any right to be, and it revels in its own silliness by having equally out there dialogue and voice acting. Because all the dialogue in the game is voice-acted, and all of it is fantastic. And as you might have seen from the images here, all the characters have their own clay models and yes, there are claymation scenes in the game!

Damnit Eunuchus!

If unlike Eunuchus you have any taste at all and you find yourself intrigued by any of this, then you are in luck, because you are one of those chosen few who'll get to experience the delightfulness that is this game! All through the lens of me, of course. Laser Lords is really big. Like really really big. Super big. So big that I couldn't hope to cover all of it! Rather, as the title suggests, it's going to be more of an analysis where I'll look at some things I personally observed and other people have observed, which in the case of these blogs will be allegations of racism, its use of social commentary and just whether it intends to just be a funny game or have some sort of point it's trying to make. Of course, even that would be way too massive for a post, you could argue this prologue is already pushing it! Therefore I'll actually split it into parts as someone suggested me to do before! I do need to explain what the game actually is and such before diving into the depths, but the next three blogs are all going to look at the game from a specific angle. Won't that be fun?! It will be for me, I love analyses, and I love Laser Lords!

Gotta crack those knuckles, all of this'll take a lot of typing on my end.

By far the easiest way to explain the game would be to let the game do it itself, which is by linking to its manual which goes over the basics of the gameplay and the setting, detailing what the game is about, what planets you'll visit and going over a few people you will encounter. http://imgur.com/a/mmLuz

Because I know most people don't like reading manuals, I'll give a short description of the plot of it myself:

-Evil primordial being Sarpedon wants to condense the universe, called the 'void' in-game, into a crystal.

-Zendo, another primordial being, enlists you to retrieve the crystal which was lost in the void.

-You travel though planets to question people, gather information, acquire and trade items and a currency called Taras, or T's for short.

-At times people will engage you in combat, often it is better to flee than to fight and you're encouraged to question people who might reveal the weaknesses of your enemies.

-Each world has a code of wisdom that is made of four parts, you're meant to learn these by talking to people. You also need to collect four stars of virtue that contain the code of wisdom of the void.

http://roysmeding.nl/projects/cdi_dumps/laser_lords/audio/anime.rtf/r0202ch15.ogg <- Four virtues.

It's pretty standard fare so far, but things get complex real quick when you find out the planets and people inhabiting them have extensive paths of dialogues you navigate by asking them about specific keywords they mentioned, remembering those words and telling them to the right people, offering them items, offering money, reciting codes of wisdom and sometimes just beating it out of them. You'll do this on these seven planets, described as shortly as I can while preserving enough detail, images included for your convenience:

-Luxor: A slave planet to Argos with an oppressive and theocratic ruling class of Koptoans of that seeks to awaken the god Seb who'll allow them to make Koptos the only deity the whole void worships. Opposed to them are the oppressed Gameans, who also seek to awaken Seb, but to free them from both the Koptoans and the Argosians. Both the Gameans and Koptoans follow the same code, the Sooth Song, that details Seb's origins and what he has planned for Argos.

A Luxorian very eager to mate with Seb.

-Argos: An imperialist, capitalist planet seemingly run by a figurehead emperor who looks at Sarpedon as an inspiration, but really run by a military-industrial complex bent on achieving dominance over the void and making profit. Its Commercial Code favors selfishness and exploitation.

An Argosian propagandist working on some anti-Luxor propaganda.

-Fornax: A planet with a toxic surface that only mutants can survive in after the hedonistic casino-spaceship Seminum Omegan landed there as a result of being blasted by Argos. The owners of the starship, the Creegs, have 20 men for every woman and the only female Creeg on board is their Queen. The casino is where aliens make their wagers and the halls are where bounty hunters and Fornax Patrol hunt the destitute. Their code emphasizes establishing dominance over others not with brute force, but by indulging their every desire.

A Creeg explaining how to 'Fornaxicate'. (Was retard considered inappropriate in 1994?) 

-Tekton: A budding technocratic empire of sentient droids with dreams of incorporating the entire universe into their program, the Analects of Co-fusion, which describes the functions of droids into a perfectly structured and ordered society in which everything has a clear purpose.

A droid laying down the smackdown on organics.

-Woo: A spiritual and natural planet inhabited only by animals capable of advanced thought who nonetheless subscribe to the Song of Flux, which details the Ways of Woo and how Woo maintains a natural harmony. Death is only another part of life on Woo, and the only nobler fate than being eaten by a carnivore is to be a plant whose sole purpose is to honourably feed others. 

A look into a Kudu's life. 

-Hive: The dilapidated planet the Creegs once inhabited, now turned into a hive for wasps due to the Creeg's treachery and deceit. Only its queen is sentient, and all larvae are thought the Hum of Hive that indoctrinates them into their mindless state. Apparently this is a good thing.

The queen of Hive does not mess around.

-Ravanna: A planet converted by Sarpedon to serve as the base for his Voidal Implosion Condensation Engine, his great VICE, here his warriors roam and teach you the Code of Sarpedon, which is pretty much Evil for Evil's sake.

Is... is this a Goblin? Eeeee, so cute! :3

Quite a prologue, huh? Don't worry, this should be most of the explaining I have to do in such a dry form, because after this it's all analysis, ooh yes, won't it be fun?! I do intend to write one of these each day from now on, and we'll see where this spaceship strands!